Middle of the Week Musings.

Happy Hump Day!!! May it be at least HOT weather wise, it sure isn't here! It is cold, raining and just crappy outside. It feels like winter, but alas that is Spring in Illinois. I want it to be warm! Yes, I am whining. I am tired of the cold, snow, winter, and all that. I have a friend I talk to in Florida, and she loves to rub it in what her weather has been like while I am up here freezing my ass off! Her payback will come soon! And she knows what I mean!

On other news this week, I turned 53, and it sucks. It feels old, and yes I know it is nothing more than a number, and whomever said that lied. It is middle age, no matter how you put it. And trust me, my body knows I am 53. I may not look like it outside, but inside I am every  bit of 53. I was talking to my girlfriend who is almost 40, and we were talking about how some men our ages, seem to go for the younger women. I guess a lot want that youth, having someone young makes them feel young?

But then I have Diva and Slick who live with me, and all their friends who are constantly around, so that is enough youth for me. Sometimes TOO much youth! Last week alone with all of them in and out, we went through like six cases of Mountain Dew! I had to hide my Dr. Pepper in my closet. And we won't even talk about my grocery bill! How I got from middle-age to that, who knows. The ramblings of the mad woman.

But all in all, I did have a good birthday. My mom came over and cooked for me that day, I had my kids, and family, and got lots of goodies, so it was a good birthday. Still going through that first year after The Bastard's death, hitting each birthday, the holidays and all that, and almost done with this first year. In May come the big ones, and I am not looking forward to that at all. But......

Life goes on.......

Confusion.

"I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant." ~Robert McCloskey~


I was sitting wondering if I should put a disclaimer in this blog post, saying it is NOT a rant about men, but a post about myself. Hm, looks like I just did.

Men say that women are complicated and complex, and that all men want are two things, basic needs met....feed them, fuck them and shut up. Sounds pretty simple doesn't it when looking at it that way. And maybe I should base it off of those basic needs, but I have to say I don't always see it that way. Men confuse the hell out of me!

Don't take that the wrong way, I find them fascinating and incredible, but they still confuse me. I realize that in this way of life, that the alpha men rule and we meaning the slaves do not have to understand them in order to serve them. What I do mean is I am filled with confusion. My logical analytical side of the brain cannot join the passionate side of the brain. It doesn't work for me. I want to shout my questions into the Universe and then I want that very same Universe to answer them!

I can be very shy at times, and very timid when learning to approach a man. Once engaged and I know his intentions are clear, I can still be very shy and timid but it turns to a different kind. But how does one go about knowing if his intentions have anything to do what I may think they have to do with. Even with questions, asking them questions, they don't always answer the way I needed to hear. And by needed I mean that it is not clear enough for me, so that only adds more questions to that question.

Confused yet?

I am!!

And why am I looking for double meanings? Because men are confusing! And since I am the type of woman who needs to be pleasing, I question myself so many times, it leads to insecurity. So I am left wondering how to do this without it being so difficult. It is like a glorious mind fuck without an orgasm at times. So I guess I will just have to ride the wild waves of confusion and see where it leads.

Life goes on......