Middle of the Week Musings.

Happy Hump Day!

Wow. Long week already. I have had a LONG week, and still two more days to go til Friday.

Thank goodness it is hump day, although I wish it were Friday. Two more days. Two more days til I see him. I know that I talk to him every night on the phone, but that is not the same as having him in my bed. I have a shirt he leaves me every weekend with his scent, that I am to wear to bed every night, but it is not the same as having him in my bed with his scent.

I miss him.

 This week has not been fun, this week I will be glad when it is over. I came to some revelations this week about my past, and I cannot say I like them. I guess when you go digging into your past, you have to be careful what you will "dig" up and I dug up some pretty heavy duty stuff from my past. Now I have to get rid of that stuff from my past. I know the memories will never go away, but the baggage, needs to go. "Nuff said."

I have been reorganizing my life this past week, actually this past year, and I ran across some things that I know I no longer need, and certain things need to be put in order. I have two more bags of stuff going to Goodwill, and I just hauled out two bags to the garbage. I know that some of the stuff I could have saved and donated, but sometimes you just have to what you have to do. Put certain things out for the trash! Get rid of it!

I was thinking to myself how nice that would be if we could do that with certain memories, just get rid of them. But nooooo, instead we have to let them come to mind over and over, and at times they feel like they are going to drive us nuts. And then they refuse to leave our minds, playing over and over and over, until we feel like screaming. Oh wait, I have done that before.

I have opted for a simple life. I want, and need simple. I am tired of complex. I am tired of jumping through hoops and living on that razor's edge of life. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the razor's edge of passion, just not in every day life. I need my rituals, I need that structure. I need that daily life of simple structure. And for that to happen, I had/have to clear my mind of some of the past. Spring Cleaning done a little late, but better late than never, I guess.

"Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life."

~Budda~

So right now, I am right where I am, and refusing not to miss life again. I have in the past. I have missed parts of my life, not being where I was. I was trying to be someplace else. Always running ahead and not living in those moments. There are reasons, there are justifications, but the bottom line, at times I compromised too much. At others, I simply did not know, nor understand, and yet at other times, people deceived, and lied, and I ended up living those lies with them, perhaps unknowingly, but still living them.

This time, at this part of my life......I am merely going to be, "me" and all that entails.

Life goes on.........